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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, OP. Has she been in therapy? A divorce for a kid that age is a lot to process - she may be blaming herself, etc. I would strongly encourage you to get someone for her to talk to. Maybe frame as you want her to have access to someone she can go to discuss things she can't with you and you understand that because you're her mom and it's ok to be angry with your mom but understandably that's hard for you to hear and process so having a third person would be helpful for both of you.

Also, something I started recently with my 10-year-old twin girls is a gratitude exercise every evening. You say 3-5 things you're grateful for and they can be little things or big things, silly things or serious things. My husband and I felt like both our girls had gotten into a bit of "spoiled brat" territory where we felt like they didn't appreciate their amazing lives (we're married, they have the pets they want, they live in a big house with separate bedrooms, they attend an amazing school, they have lots of friends, they get to travel a lot, they got a lot of what they want - not everything, but a lot, they have ponies for crying out loud) and yet they'd sometimes focus on negative things that seemed insignificant to us. We recognize that we have two different viewpoints, and having grown up UMC as well, I know now how little I understood about how lucky I was, but it was dragging us all down. One of my kids went from saying on Sunday night that she wishes she could do homeschool (because the boys at school are annoying) to being grateful she's at such a good school.

I typed all the above while on hold for a work call so I'm probably not portraying it correctly and I'm sure I'll get flayed for something or the other, but OP my point is perhaps doing something like that with your daughter would help her see all the things you think she should be grateful for and turn her framing around. Good luck, this age is hard and you're a good mom to do so much with her and to care. [/quote]

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