Reply to Boyfriend lied to me..forgive or break up?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, I think this will depend on how much you trust him generally and whether this really shakes your trust or whether it's kind of a tangent.  Only you can know because it's very relationship specific.  My husband did something very similar when we were engaged.  He was transitioning career paths while we were dating and was not doing very well financially, which he was honest about.  At some point once we got engaged, he got a great job and I thought we were in the clear and eventually got married.  I think literally a couple months into our relationship, I found out that he took on a decent chunk of credit card debt (he knew that this was a big no no for me) right before he got the new job.  He said he was running low on funds but still wanted to take me out on dates etc so he used the credit card, figuring that he would pay it back once he got a new job.  Meanwhile, he didn't tell me because he knew I would be mad and he figured he would just pay it back with his new savings (which he did).  I was really pissed and felt like he deceived me, and I had just married him!

Perhaps a lot of women here wouldn't have forgiven him, but I did, and we're still married.  I trust his intentions, even if I don't always trust his methods.  I know that I can come off as pretty intense and intimidating when it comes to finances.  Anyways, our solution is that I basically control all the finances.  That way I see everything coming in and going out.  It works for us because clearly he is not great with finances and I prioritize it, so it's my responsibility.  You'll have to see if there is a way for you guys to compromise in the future.  Your bf's lie shows that he is defensive about his finances (and intimidated as you say).  If your earning differences stay consistent, would he ever get comfortable with that?  Is he willing to learn from you on buffing up his finances?  Would he be willing to put you in charge of finances if you marry? [/quote]

I trust him besides this. I’ve looked at it all and he doesn’t have any other debt. He had some student loans left that he has since paid off. He really stepped up on saving and he’s good now. He doesn’t have any credit card debt and has never had any. [/quote]

Jesus. Ok! Then forgive the guy and move on already. Why the hell did you post if you were just going to defend him at every turn? [/quote]

I’m not defending him. I’m answering all the questions. [/quote]

Your use of the word "lie" seems strong to me. He was trying to impress you and felt pressure because of your superficial emphasis on finances.[/quote]

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