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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread has devolved into an unnecessary debate about alcoholism. I think this is more about “how do I want my life to look.”

My husband and I explicitly discussed the role of alcohol in our lives before marriage. I had a dad who became on alcoholic mid-life and my husband grew up in a teetotaler house. We both drink, but it is limited to a night out, fun occasion, etc. We might have 20 drinks a year. We agreed that we didn’t want to drink regularly at home especially once we had kids. If my husband suddenly changed and started having a beer every night, I would be concerned. I am glad we planned to this way, because we ended up with one kid with profound special needs and one with cancer, and I can see how drinking one drink a night could have turned into a bottle a night under that kind of stress. But our life just wasn’t set up in a way that this was a risk.

In this situation, it sounds like OP married a guy that drank regularly and is now dismayed to find he still drinks regularly when they have gotten older and busier. It isn’t clear to me if she is worried about his health (which I think is legit even if you are not an alcoholic) or frustrated that he seems to still feel he can relax each night while she never feels she can relax. Or maybe both. Or maybe he is really drinking a lot more than one beer a night and addiction is a concern. She needs to figure that out first. She also needs to recognize that she was fine with this arrangement in earlier years and habits are really hard to break. With all that in mind, maybe then she can have a more constructive conversation with her husband.[/quote]

It really read to me like OP was the one attacking those who were talking about a regular one-drink-a-night habit as alcoholism. If it was OP, than the debate is valid because OP is the one trying to make the conversation go this way.

But your points are insightful and useful regardless.[/quote]

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