Reply to MIL move in to memory care next week- advised to lie to her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They know what typically works for most and what helps the transition go more smoothly. They also know many will be unable to heed the advise, and make the transition much more difficult for all involved. [/quote]

They're trying to make their own jobs easier by lying to a patient. It's deeply unethical. There's no way I would lie to my loved one, even if she had dementia.  I would also visit as I felt necessary.  I would start my regular, planned visitation schedule and get into a routine.

[/quote]

Therapeutic lying is standard with dementia. Imagine your mom forgets every day that your dad died 20 years ago. Every day she says, “where is bob?” And every day you say “mom, Bob died 20 years ago” and she is devastated , because it feels like she is learning this news for the first time. She cries, she asks how he died, she gets combative. Then, a few hours later, she says, “where is bob?”

You think the standard of care, the kind thing, the best thing for her mental and physical well being, is to repeat this trauma a couple times a day for the rest of her life?

No. You say “he’s at the store. Here mom, have some lemonade. Want me to play the piano for you?”[/quote]
+1 
Therapeutic lying is sort of a unfortunate name for the practice of supporting dementia patients and being with them where they are. It's a good practice and much healthier than the old way of trying to force memory and reality.

[b]Therapeutic lying and being told to have no contact for a week are not the same thing.[/b][/quote]

This exactly. Lying to keep someone from being distressed is one thing. A company hack who dictates barring family visits to a vulnerable person is quite another. [/quote]

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