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[quote=Anonymous]NP. I estranged myself from my sister when she shoved me into a bookcase and screamed “insane c@nt” at me for 4 (yes four) hours, at least 100 times, on the day we brought my mother back to her apartment for home hospice. Now estranged Sis is circling my children who are in their twenties.

A few takeaways. First, don’t underestimate the ability of someone with probable BPD to make up complete lies about the estrangement.

Most important, set your kids up to learn how to manage the relationship for themselves. You won’t always be around to run interference, and my kids were nearly adults when it happened. My kids don’t talk to estranged Sis often, but here’s what I do and what I encourage them to do. 
- I haven’t told my kids much about the estrangement. No need for you to drag them in. 
- Encourage your kids not to tolerate any talk about you. Period. No letting her try to talk about you. DD says she always shuts down Sis’ attempts to talk about me. 
- More specifically, I tell my kids not to believe whatever they might hear from estranged sis, should Sis manage to sneak something in anyway. 
- Your kids have eyes and ears. They can see that I’m the one who gets invited to the cousins’ weddings (bringing the kids along) and asked to speak at cousins’ parents’ funerals. Yes, Sis has said and done things to alienate our cousins, too. It’s hard to be patient, but give it time and everyone, including your kids, will get Sis’s number. [/quote]

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