Reply to When your husband sleeps like a baby bc you’re the keeper of all the things

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife constantly complains about the stress of her job and acts like mine isn’t stressful.

You know why she thinks mine isn’t stressful? 
Because I don’t complain about it.  Because complaining about doesn’t change anything and I choose to not let the stress impact my family.

I do all the school pick up/drop off, grocery and other shopping, doctor and dentist appointments. And yet she is the constantly stressed one.  She has anxiety and instead of dealing with that it is easier to blame me and the stress.

You husband isn’t to blame for how you handle stress.  If it is too much don’t do it. Outsource or tell him you don’t have the bandwidth and he needs to handle it. [/quote]

In my example above, that led to my child throwing up on a towel and soiling her underwear multiple times, all alone.

It doesn't have to be a male/female thing. My husband's AP is a really neglectful mother, and her husband is the caretaker and the nurturer. But just because you feel that this doesn't apply to you, doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of people with self-absorbed, oblivious partners.

After I wrote the above, I did text STBX back with some tips about individuation in teenaged girls and how I connect with our kids when they're away from me by allowing them to "opt in" to contact with me. So for example, I send them a photo of themselves when they were little or a cute meme or something, so they know I'm always thinking of them. STBX was so excited to tell me that he had already thought of this himself and "in fact" yesterday he sent our child a photo! Just in case I didn't believe he was this awesome all by himself, he sent me a screenshot of his text to her.

He means well. He wants to have a good relationship with our kids. He wants to be a good person who isn't a cheater or a failure. But yet, somehow, there's a giant chasm between his intentions and his actions. Not everyone puts in the effort to understand and improve themselves. Some people coast and let other people do the heavy lifting. And if you're doing the heavy lifting, then you can drop the rope (and let your kid vomit on a towel by herself) or you can continue to carry it. But you can't expect someone's Grinch heart to grow three sizes in one day.[/quote]

So are you going to marry your STBX's AP's STBX? He seems like a good dude.
This affair could be a blessing in disguise. [/quote]

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