Reply to Should I divorce my high functioning alcoholic husband?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Should I divorce my high functioning alcoholic husband?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Same boat here OP.  It's hard for me because my Dad was a falling down drunk at night kind of high functioning alcoholic...he went out to the pub and came back at 1 or 2 in the AM, falling down, and then passed out.  But he unfailingly went to work the next day, unfailingly, and he took good care of us (very good) compared to my mom, who was bedridden with depression most of my childhood.

So my own DH's alcoholism kind of snuck up on me.  I knew he drank alone when we were rating.  A glass of gin at night.  It struck me as really strange because to me, drinking is social.  I can't imagine. Just drinking hard liquor alone.  But he appeared to have just one drink a night.

Once we married, I saw the bottle consumption.  It was WAY more than a drink a night.  Sometimes it's a quart a night.  But unlike my dad, he never slurs, stumbles, or falls down.  He stays up late ironing and doing dishes.  He does more than my share of housework.  But he does it drunk.

It's lonely.  We barely speak.  We have a son and we are both older parents and we just kind of exist, keeping our heads above water with work and taking care of our kid.  I stayed this long - 12 years - because he would get 50/50 custody and I don't want our son alone with a loner drunk every night.  And I don't want to only see him half the time.  But it's not what I signed up for when we married.

He refuses to acknowledge a problem and none of my family or friends see this.  The just see he cooks and does dishes and irons so he must be super husband.  They don't smell the gin breath that could melt paint.  [/quote]

Op here.  Thank you so much for sharing g your story! I think my husband does a lot around the house because it helps him justify his drinking. It’s like he feels guilty deep down but can’t stop drinking so he does extra chores to make himself feel better/less guilty.  Do you think this is the case with your husband? [/quote]

Different PP and my high functioning alcoholic also did a lot around the house. For him it was the inverse of what you suggest - he was a super high functioner in our relationship, highly capable. Trying to do [i]everything[/i] led to the stress that justified the drinking. "If I weren't so stressed and awake all the time, I wouldn't have to drink."

Eventually the drinking got so bad that it went from "We have the nicest yard on the street that he does everything for, plus he grocery shops and does more than half the cooking," to "He can't even get the grass cut reliably. I do all the grocery shopping. I do all the cooking."

I have been basically single mom-ing with a spouse in the home.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics