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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I moved in with my boyfriend at the start of the month. I love living him for the most part, but I absolutely hate how he is trying to change me. He is semi-frugal and prefers to spend on necessities only, barring special occasions. I’m a lot more fluid with my money and like to enjoy the fruit of my labor. I love pampering myself on nice cosmetics, trying a new fancy shampoo or body, and trying new skincare. I’ve always been a girly girl in that sense. I enjoy the [b]occasional splurge[/b] on getting my nails done, getting a [b]monthly[/b] massage, going to super nice restaurants, etc.

My boyfriend is the opposite and asked if I really need those things. He called them “ a waste of money”. I’m not in debt and still save at least 25% of my income. I feel like he is trying to control me. His view has made me question if we’re right together.

[/quote]

We are all entitled to spend on our hobbies and interests, even those others find “wasteful,” provided you aren’t overspending, which it doesn’t sound like you are. For one thing I assume you both have more cash flow given shared housing.

That said, I can’t square the words “occasional splurge” with “monthly.” By definition a monthly expense isn’t “occasional.” I certainly don’t begrudge the massage, but the way you describe this makes it sound like you don’t actually know how much you spend on these things and have no budget, which probably contributes to his perception that you spend frivolously.

I don’t see “controlling” behavior so much as a clash of values. You need to get on the same page with money goals as a couple (assuming you are at that stage in your relationship, but why would you move in together if you aren’t?). You need an actual budget that includes “fun money” and neither of you gets to criticize how the other uses those funds. [/quote]

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