Reply to Anyone have a baby with second husband and have it turn out well with kids from first marriage

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Reply to "Anyone have a baby with second husband and have it turn out well with kids from first marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So basically the question is: "My teen has already experienced the loss of their intact family. How can I withdraw a lot of my time, energy, and resources, and also make them live with a new partner and a baby, and have them be happy with it?"

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How would it be different than an "intact" family having more kids.  With every kid a parent has it takes away attention and resources.[/quote]

Well, I think in an intact familly the teens are often not that happy about a new baby either.

But it's different because the older child still gets to live with both their parents. They don't have to do joint custody or experience a loss of parent-child interaction time, and they don't have to deal with a new adult being forced into their home whether they like it or not. They also don't have to deal with stepsiblings if there are any (as distinct from half siblings). A remarriage and a baby after a divorce is a disruption after a disruption after a disruption. It's three disruptions rather than one.[/quote]

So, by your logic no adult should have more than one kid.  As, any 2-3-4th kid regardless of the age difference, takes up parents' time and resources.  My husband's ex put all her energy into the AP/boyfriend not the kids so even if they had more kids, none would have been the priority.[/quote]

No, I think the benefit of a full sibling *that you grow up with* is different from [b]a half sibling that realistically you don't really know well at all, and that has a different set of loyalties.[/b] And I think divorced parents who are already dealing with the after-effects of divorce (joint custody hassle, financial, disruptions and new adults and siblings from the kid's other parent) would do well to very carefully consider their money, time and energy before adding more kids. That's why I say this works well if you have plenty of money, not so well if you don't.[/quote]

Even when you know the half sibling, the "different set of loyalties" part is key. Bottom line, half siblings do not share the same family.

The one thing my dad got right after my parents' divorce was that when his longtime girlfriend pressured him to marry and have more kids he said no. It would have devastated us if he'd had another family. [/quote]

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