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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it possible that your mom is wanting you to reconcile so she can offload some of the caregiving responsibility in to you and your sister? Has she said your sister wants to hear from you or just that " she's different now" 
If sister doesn't actually want to hear from you and then you reach out, could cause more drama. I think it's wise to tell Mom you are waiting to hear directly from sister in order to continue respecting her wishes. [/quote]

I think it's not as simple as that. As parents, we always want our kids to get along, and if one of my children were dying "alone" without their siblings to come around and offer emotional and material support, it would add to my sadness. Of course, my children have never behaved badly towards each other, and OP doesn't say what led the younger sister to cut off her family. Does she have a challenging psychiatric disorder that could not be managed successfully? Often that's the explanation. Did the family ostracize her for it? Sometimes it's unjust and cruel; and sometimes it's necessary is the person lashes out and cannot be controlled. I understand OP and siblings are elderly. Their generation did not have easy access to diagnostic tools and early intervention treatments.

One of my kids has autism and severe ADHD. He was diagnosed early, and we have made it a priority to manage and treat his disorders such that he would become a (barely) functional adult. Basically our lives revolved around his needs for many years. I shudder to think what he would have become without our support (my husband is a doctor, I am a research scientist). And sadly, sometimes you can give all your love and all your money and all the treatments... but the outcome is disastrous anyway.

Anyway. Just my own point of view based on personal life experience.

So without knowing more details about OP's life, all I can do is extend my sympathies. She needs to consider whether she will have regrets for not being more supportive after her sister passes. Support to me would mean visiting her sister alone - I would not expect any sort of apology. I would come ready to listen, fetch and carry, do some light chores. I would not invite her to a family gathering until that private visit to gauge her psychological health.
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I think I did explain previously why she cut us off. 
My sister was diagnosed with diabetes when  she was 11. The complications of this have led to her precarious health condition now at age 55.  There was a lot of rallying around her when she was younger and my mom was a single parent. There was a lot of fending for ourselves. 
I am not in a position to visit her. I have no days I can take (I’m a teacher). And she lives far away. I can in the summer though. [/quote]

PP you replied to. Sorry, I hadn't seen your update. But I hope you understand that she is mentally ill. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation. Please don't invite her to the family thing, it's not the right approach for an attempt at reconciliation. Maybe ask how she is, from a medical standpoint, when your mother contacts you, to gauge how long she has, as this may inform your future decisions.

Also, you seem pretty decided right now on your course of action. Did writing out your original post clarify this for you? Because there's a discrepancy between what you asked and what you are now expressing... unless all you wanted was to have people take your side.
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