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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP. Okay, last time with a “woe is me” post, but I was thinking about this a lot this morning.

What bothers me is: I can get the Fair Play cards and put up chore charts for the kids and H will go along with it happily. But he would never look at the house is a mess, I’m struggling, the dog is destroying everything thing, the kids are whining theyre hungry, and think “hm, we should do something to fix this. I’ll research different methods for running a home and start putting them into place”. He’ll agree to the cards or the chore chart, and he’ll do them, but I’m the one who has to make sure the kids follow through and follow-up to make sure he thought of contingencies, like what happens if he’s on duty for dinner but he’s too tired to cook (right now he just says “I’ll get takeout. Tell me what you want” and then everyone vetoed my suggestions).

Like if I did nothing, he would address things by putting the kids in front of screens all day, shutting himself in the garage to work on his hobbies, and order DoorDash 3 times a day, which he certainly can’t afford so I would have to pick up the tab and then figure out how to replace the $50k he spend on DoorDash, because if I don’t, the kids don’t have a college fund and we don’t have retirement (which he also doesn’t care about).

I just feel like if nobody else cares about any of this, why do I?[/quote]

People marry people who complement them.

I am a woman and a higher earner.  Everything I feel sorry for having to do myself would have normally fallen to a male breadwinner.  I remind myself of this and try to keep my mouth shut.  Someone has to do it.  Nicer if there were two someones tackling tasks but nothing is perfectly equal.

The flip side of "Why should I care when nobody else does?" is that you can likely do whatever you want and think best without opposition.

You have "Decision Fatigue".  Learn about how to address it.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decision_fatigue[/quote]

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