Reply to husband and I handle disagreements differently. Need serious advice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When my husband and I get into arguments, he shuts down and says he needs space and time. So, he ignores me all day (I do not reach out to him because I know he will not respond and will take it as me disrespecting what he needs). I get no phone call, no text, he wont be in the same room as me at home, will interact with the kids in front of me but will not speak or look or interact with me. This can go on for a day, sometimes 2. It hurts me so much. [b]I am the type that if there is a disagreement or argument, I want to handle it right then and there. I can not take being someones wife and being ignored.[/b] I know that we are both not right yet not right for our needs but how do we cope? [b]I told him [/b]many times, it is ok to take a break but [b]I need [/b]reassurance when you decide to do that. For instance, [b]tell me you love me but you are hurt and need space but will get back to me in two hours. [/b]He does not say or do that. He says, "I need to protect and handle me first." "I can not be there for you if I am not there for me." Please do not suggest therapy. We tried, we failed, and that option is no longer on the table. I dont even care if you tell me that I am at fault, but someone, please help me. I can not take this.[/quote]
Why are you dictating how he responds to your fights? He is allowed to process in his own way without you telling him how to behave. He’s your husband not your child. [/quote]

OP here and I get that. He processes by shutting down and I process by talking it out. What is the middle ground that makes us both have our needs met?[/quote]
I'm a DW, and I'm more like your DH.  I shut down.  I need to space and time when I'm upset to calm down. Usually sleeping helps my mind to recharge, but sometimes it's hard to connect when I'm still upset.  It's a personality flaw, I know.  I've been married for 20 years, and I was really bad about this earlier on in our marriage. I've learned over time to let things go, just as DH has learned over time, to let me process my own emotions.

I think I am like my dad in this way.  He can hold out for over a year.  At least I'm not that bad.  He can also hold grudges like no one. I'm a bit like that, too.  Does your DH also hold grudges for a long time? I find that this goes hand in hand.

48 hours is nothing for people like this.  But, maybe you can ask for a compromise and say you will give him 48 hours to process the disagreement, then you need to talk.

GL[/quote]

OP here. Thank you, it feels good to hear from someone that is also like him. He can hold grudges and things always resurface someway. Remember when you did this or said that. He holds me to everything I say or do. He lets nothing go. I am full blown the opposite and need to talk, [b]need emotions, needs feelings[/b]. He is by the book, by rules and very analytical. He is not a bad guy, or husband. It is just that I think it is ok to sometimes disagree but he turns our disagreements into a character flaw. I do not think that is fair. [/quote]

What does this mean? You will die, in the snap of a moment without these things? What does "needing" emotion or feeling look like? What does this mean beyond our general existing day to day on this Earth. I am at loss 100% of what you are talking about.[/quote]

OP here. I never once said I would die without those things. During disagreements, he only wants to stick to facts., no matter how I "feel." I hope you are no longer lost by what I am saying. [/quote]
So you have an issue with sticking to facts during your arguments? And you’re arguing about education and don’t like facts???[/quote]

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