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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I try to avoid giving physical compliments.

When I was a kid I was told I was beautiful often.  So much so I did child modeling.

Then I went through puberty and was not cute.  The comments stopped.  I noticed and it plummeted my self confidence.

Now I’m a slightly above average looking adult who still struggles deeply with self confidence.  I find myself depending on compliments from those around me for self worth.  I’m actually in therapy for it.

Perhaps an extreme example but I do avoid giving compliments like this.  [/quote]

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Though I think part of the problem there is that your parents stopped calling you beautiful when you went through puberty. That is cruel. Puberty is a hard time for most kids and generally a pretty awkward time physically. Your parents subconsciously sent the message to you that you'd been a beautiful kid but stopped being beautiful when you went through a hormonal change that is usually awkward for *most* kids.

They should have kept up telling you that you were beautiful, and helped you see the positives in your appearance even though the awkwardness of those years. They should have downplayed the normal awkwardness of the age (acne, braces, growth spurts that leave you looking kind of gangly before you really fill out, etc.) and continued to emphasize that they still saw beauty in you.

It can be really powerful for a person to hear they are still beautiful even when they don't look perfect. It took me a long time to learn that lesson because my mom was so critical of my acne when I was a kid -- even if I just had one pimple on my face, she'd zone in on it and obsess over it like it was the only thing she could see. So it became the only think I could see, and because I struggled with acne for over a decade, that was a tough time. Finally in my 30s I learned to stop caring so much when I met my husband and confessed how self conscious I felt when I had a zit and he was just like "omg who cares, everyone gets pimples, I don't even notice." And getting that validation for awhile helped me stop caring.[/quote]

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