Reply to How/why do people have a second (or more?!?!) child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an older child who is an only and there are times when I see families with 2 or more kids and feel a pang of envy. Especially when I see the kids interacting in positive ways and I feel sad my kid will never have a sibling.

But otherwise I'm mostly like you OP. If you are surprised to discover that some of the people who have same-age first kids as you are contemplating having another, wait until they have two and tell you they are having a third. I always smile and say congrats and I'm happy to meet their babies and glad they are getting what they want in life. But my internal monologue in these conversations is aways "what?! whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????" Everyone is different but the idea of three children sounds like hell on earth to me and I LOVE being a mom.

To me it was the law of diminishing returns. Like yes, would I love a second (or third) child and would it be amazing to have a parent-child relationship with more people and experience the joy of seeing them grow and become their unique selves? Yes, I have experienced this with my only and it is wonderful and when I see people with babies I think of how they are the beginning of that journey and how lucky they are.

But time is finite. Money is finite. I don't still want to be raising kids when I'm in my late 50s or early 60s. I don't want to have no time for myself or my spouse because our kids take everything. I don't want to constantly be navigating sibling relationships, thinking about how we have to multiply every family outing by x people, etc. [b]I know that if I had 2 or 3 kids, my relationship with my only would be totally different and, if I'm honest, I think less special. [/b]

So to me it wasn't worth it. Also I grew up in a big family (4 kids total) and was therefore very familiar with the downsides of a large family and know that kids don't always get along and that parents do not always have enough time and energy to go around. It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't what I wanted for my own family.[/quote]

PP here who has 3 kids - I think this is kind of bull. Of course your relationship with you only kid will be different but it isn't LESS SPECIAL because you have more than one kid.

I had my kids in my early 30s so all 3 kids will be gone to college by the time I am in my early 50s.  We are very fortunate to have a high household income and don't have to think too much about multiplying every kids wants by 3.  We can afford to do all the outings as a family of 5 without it impacting our budget very much. [/quote]

Of course you think it's "bull" -- you can't imagine that there is any downside to any of your choices. It's very important for you to tell us all how you made all the right choices and have the best life, and besides you're very rich so you didn't have to choose.

But you did. Each of your kids gets less of you than an only child would, or than two kids would get. This is just reality. It doesn't mean it's bad to have 3 kids. But PP is correct that the relationship between an only child and their parents is unique and kids with siblings will not have quite the same bond. They'll have relationships with siblings, and the only child own't have those at all. But no one has it all. There are advantages to having (and being) an only. There are advantages to having (and being one of) multiple kids. Everyone has tradeoffs.

I mean, except you. Of course there are no downsides to anything you've ever done. You're perfect. I know that's important to you.[/quote]

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