Reply to What to say to flakey friend?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.[/quote]

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that. [/quote]

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore. [/quote]

What I owe *to myself* is relative peace and quiet.  That's not what I get whenever I have some come-to-Jesus talk with a friend about how I feel they've slighted me.  [b]What I have received in the past when I've tried is escalation, bad behavior, and verbal abuse. [/b] I don't need that in my life, and I don't need it to feel like a decent human.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel. [/quote][/quote]

Ever considered that maybe your "come-to-Jesus talk" approach could use some refinement?  :roll: [/quote]

Yes, I have.  I have tried introspection, but I have also learned that someone calling me names is not  helping either of us.  At any rate, if I have to be perfect in my delivery, then that's another reason to do the slow fade.[/quote]

So you're going to take your unprocessed hurt from someone else out on new people? Nobody can call you names unless you're talking to them, and if you're "slow fading", you haven't even given them the opportunity to reveal their true colors/level of friendship. You're judging them by a grudge you carry against someone else.

This isn't friendly. It's a badly damaged way of being passive-aggressive to people who haven't hurt you.[/quote]

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