Reply to He’s not a breadwinner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My boyfriend is an amazing man. He’s very smart, hilarious, gentle, kind, emotionally available, and very loving.

His one bad trait is that he’s not a breadwinner. [b]His career is unorganized, he hates his job, is underemployed, and has no ambition.[/b]

We are mid-late 30s and want kids asap.

I have a good career and make pretty good money. I never planned to be the primary breadwinner though. I think I could financially swing it, if he remains supportive and I rev up my career more. if you’ve taken a similar path, any regrets?[/quote]

I’m actually not against SAHDs or “primary parent” dads at all. But the bold here gives me pause. It does not sound at all like he would be good at carrying a larger mental load at home or with the kids. If he is not into cooking, and is not into planning/organizing/meticulously keeping track of things, you will just end up needing to do all those things on top of making most or all do the money. [/quote]

+1
Good SAH parents are organized and ambitious (for this children).  You will be the one organizing all the kids stuff, camps, schools, doctor/dentist appointments on top of supporting the household financially.  He won’t be organized enough to keep a clean house, keep the children’s clothing clean and well fitted, stocking the fridge, and preparing meals.  It will all fall to you and you will resent him.  You’ll be one of the millions of posters who complain incessantly about how their DH doesn’t do anything blah blah blah.  If you are ok will being his mommy and your kids mommy because he’s sweet and makes you laugh go for it.  You can do better.

And yeah, “boy moms” take note - you should not raise your sons to be disorganized and unable to care for their home and children.  If they are going to be SAH parents they need to be organized and rise to the challenge.  And if they are going to be “breadwinners” they also cannot be disorganized and unable to keep a job.

This guy sounds like a loser.[/quote]

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