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[quote=Anonymous]So I went through a similar run of emotions actually after two, having planned for three or four. The situations are actually the same though if you think about it - theoretically wanting another child, but not feeling like you have the bandwidth, and the dread of the newborn stage (uuuuggggghhhhhhhhh the newborn stage is the worst, I'm with you with that).

What I did, and I'd recommend the same for you, is two things: 1) Start actively trying to make your life easier. Your "How do other people do this?" is a good inquiry! See if you can implement some changes to find more bandwidth. 2) Think critically about that first year, and particularly the newborn stage, and see if there are things you can do differently next time to make it easier on yourself.

For me, I had a lot of success with both of those points, got to the point where I was confident I could handle it, and went for #3 (four was off the table). It worked out well for me. But it's possible that you'll never feel you have the bandwidth for another, and that's totally fine, too! But it's worth some experimenting over the next year or so.

For making your life easier:
-You say your husband "helps" - "helps" or is a full partner? Is he doing half the mental labor? Half the childcare? For me, that's mission critical. 
-We started structuring our weekends so that we each get a half a weekend day off almost every weekend. Either from morning until about 2pm, or from 2pm to bedtime. That still leaves two half days (or one whole day) for family time. When you're off you're OFF. I usually like to take the morning shift off, and I sleep with earplugs. Husband gets up with the kids and takes them out for an adventure and I sleep till 10 and hang out in my jammies and read, maybe get lunch with a friend. It's SUCH a game changer. 
-How's the sleep situation in your house? Is your one year old sleep trained? Are you getting enough sleep? Forget this bulish*t of parents living off six hours a sleep a night - that's not sustainable or pleasant for nearly anyone. 
-Independent playtime can be a godsend. Start teaching your kid to play in her crib with a few toys for 10 mins a day (with you out of sight) and work up to a full 30 mins. Don't kid yourself - this is a skill, and a very valuable one to start teaching your kid. 
-What else can you streamline from your routine? I shower every other day, kids get two baths a week. Sheets get washed once every 3-4 weeks. Pants and sweaters get reworn. Cleaning lady comes monthly and we don't do much cleaning in between. Most of our dinners can be prepared in 20-30 mins, max. And yet, we're all happy, healthy, and non-smelly. Lots of tasks are optional if you start thinking about it that way.

Then, what can you do to make the newborn stage easier? For us, we landed on:
-Night nanny 3x a week for weeks 2-12. Saved saved saved to be able to do this.
-I combo fed from jump. Being the baby's only food source was not for me (even though, like you, nursing was pretty easy for me). He got a bottle of formula once a day from jump, and I got 4 hours sleep a night from day 1. HUGE difference. 
-I trashed my pumps and weaned before I went back to work. Pumping sucks. 
-I joined a new mom's group for the first time. It was so nice to have a little baby-friendly socializing on maternity leave!
-Anyone who came to visit the baby got a chore. Sure, hold the baby and coo for 20 mins and then yeah, here's a broom, do some sweeping. Here's a pile of laundry, could you please fold it? I was actually shocked at how eager people were to help once I just opened my mouth and asked.

With all this, I was able to truly enjoy my third baby in a way that I just didn't with #2. [/quote]

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