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[quote=Anonymous]I was the same as you, OP. I NEVER thought I would have just one child. But here I am.

Like others, I struggled to find a story to tell myself that didn’t involve me being less, failing, being weaker than moms with more, etc. But what ultimately helped me make peace with this decision was to remind myself that this life is my life, too. This time is my time. If I die in 2 years, will I be happy with how I spent my time? If my husband dies in 2 years will I be happy with how WE spent our time? I’ve lost many loved ones in my life and have friends my own age who are sick and dying. You don’t decide how much time you get on planet earth.

So with that understanding, I asked myself the question: do I want to spend my time gestating, birthing, and raising another child? When I think of it like that, the answer becomes very clear for me. No. I don’t want to spend another year of my life doing baby stuff, getting daycare bugs, changing diapers, tracking naps, dealing with tantrums etc. For the people out there who seem to find a lot more joy in parenting than I do, this works the opposite way. If they had two years to live, they might choose to have babies! that’s great But I don’t want to spend another year of my life doing baby stuff and not getting quality time with my spouse.  It’s my life too.

Some people will take issue with this approach, saying that it is taking the short view. And that sometimes, you have to sacrifice in the short term for a long term gain. Kids at the hypothetical holiday table, sibling relationships, etc. I think these long term gains are imaginary. This isn’t a bad thing, and some people find great pleasure in imagining what their lives will be like when their children are grown. But we all can agree that we cannot predict the future and we don’t know if these short term sacrifices will ultimately lead to the relationship with or adult children that we imagine.

Your life is now. That’s how I got there. Hope it helps. [/quote]

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