Reply to Is it cruel to lock my toddler in a dark closet for a couple of minutes?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]and before anyone comes at me for abuse - DS is extremely well loved and secure toddler. Our frustration is he is perhaps too confident and knows he can walk all over us. We do try replacement behavior, redirecting, the usual parenting suggestions, but often it does not work. Here's another example of something that happens nightly. DS starts banging on the table during mealtime or throwing food. We take away his plate.

DS: I want my food back!
DH: Why did dada take ita way?
DS: Because I hit the table
DH: Are you going to stop if I give it back to you?
DS: Yes.
We give it back. 2 minutes later destructive behavior returns.
DH: Dinner is over (takes away his plate, removes him from table) 
DS: I want my food! 
DH: Why did I take it away? 
DS: Because I be mean.

*repeats* [/quote]

Okay, you have big problems here. Your kid is fine. Your problems are:

1) you expect a display of contrition that isn’t developmentally appropriate, mostly to salve your own emotions.

2) you don’t mean what you say.

If the rule is that banging the table=dinner is over, that needs to be the rule. With no anger, just “okay, dinner is over.”

“I want my food back.”
“The food is gone because dinner is over. You can try again at bedtime snack” 
“waaaaaa”
“I understand you’re hungry. Next time, try not to bang the table and you can stay until you’re done eating.”

Waiting until breakfast is too harsh, imo, so if you don’t have another feeding opportunity you need a different consequence. Not “one more try” or anything like that. That’s unfair and it’s absolutely training your kid to be super annoying and test every boundary.

It sounds like you want your consequences to make your kid feel bad/sad/ashamed/contrite, and that’s not a good road to be on with such a little. It’s not fair and it won’t work.

Try reading No Bad Kids or hell, even 123 magic. Your problem is that your strategy is bad and you’re implementing it poorly. Pick a mainstream book and implement faithfully.

The beginning is going to be hard. It takes 4-5 horrible experiences to “buy” a consequence that works. If it’s “we’re leaving the restaurant if you don’t stay at the table” you need to DO THAT a few times. It will suck for everyone. That’s the cost of it working in the future. [/quote]

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