Reply to “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If other people ask me to solve their problems,  they might not like the solution, which is tough love. 
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Jesus Christ, this is how you think about the person who birthed and raised you?
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NP To me a parent is someone who does things for their kids, not the opposite. I would do anything for my kids but I don't want them to worry about me. If I were a burden to my kids I would feel like I failed as a mother. It's my job as an adult to take care of myself![/quote]
OP stated that she was a *good mother*

It’s wrong to judge her by your standards today. [/quote]

My standards are simply that a good parent to adult kids does not ask their adult child to take care of them financially because they made bad choices over and over again. It's very selfish. I'm really surprised people think it's normal! Being a good parent to minor kids doesn't excuse pulling this on your adult children or justify it.[/quote]
That adult children will help care for their parents has long been a norm in our society. The point is, you are placing your 2025 values on someone without that capacity.

What’s interesting about this particular thread is mom tried- she’s in her 70s and has been working. Her sin is she was bad with money. OP said she was a good mom. Mom is also not saying give me all your money. She’s saying, tell me what to do. And she still wants to work. Now OP adds mom may have MCI. OP doesn’t really seem to care, and she’s not paying attention to the realistic suggestions that have been made. Now she thinks disability benefits will solve the issue. Good luck, OP, you need it.[/quote]

I don't think you get what people like op's mom are like. Yes, adult children very often help their parents, in certain ways, especially when they get very old. This is a completely different scenario, with a woman who is still very young! People who are 70 and didn't save are all working. This is not an exceptional or laudable thing. It's what happens when you didn't save, and often now when you did as well. The mom's "tell me what to do" is also not sincere. OP indicated the family has been trying to help her figure out finances for a very long time and it fell on deaf ears. The mom just wants to be rescued perpetually, at the detriment of op's own finances and resources for her children.[/quote]
I do get it, I’m just not so full of condemnation for a woman who OP now says is entering MCI. Most of my family were still very young and healthy in their 70s and 80s, but that’s not what OP indicated here. This forum just hates elders and will contort itself to justify whatever. I have taken care of most of the elders in our family and many of their friends. Lots of different circumstances and dynamics. I’m just much less willing to toss people in the trash. [/quote]

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