Reply to 69, zero assets, social security is not enough

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, can you give us some context on your mom’s horrible decisions? Were they on the level of choosing some bad investment funds, or were they on the level of spending all her money on drugs and parties? Or somewhere in between?

Also, it might be hard to understand that a 69 year old woman grew up in a very different world than you did. Girls were treated very differently than they are today, with expectations and opportunities that were greatly reduced from those available to boys at that time. No one was telling girls then that they could be anything they wanted to be, in fact they were presented with very constrained choices.

It’s very possible that your mom never had the greatest self esteem herself. It’s very difficult to help your children to have good self esteem when you don’t really know what it feels like to see value in yourself. 
[/quote]

She divorced my dad during his financial rough patch, thinking she would be able to find a guy with more money. 
They split everything 50/50 and each went off with several hundred thousand (Midwest, ‘00s dollars) and should have been fine. My dad is doing fine now.

She quit a stable job with great benefits and flexibility with lots of time off because it was just “too much responsibility” just before becoming fully vested in the pension.

She gave a bunch of money to some guy who said he would invest it pay her back with interest, she never saw it again. We found this out years after the fact.

She sold her condo and moved in with a guy, several years later the relationship was done and the condo proceeds were gone.

At every step of the way, was not transparent about any of it in spite of various red flags, nor did she ask any of us for advice even though 2 of my siblings are well versed in financial and legal issues.

Low self esteem or not, I cannot fathom making choices that would doom myself or create an awful situation for my children.

She blames everything on not knowing how to “invest”.
Sigh. That was the least of her problems.

She was not a fantastic parent to any of us but did have her favorites, no coincidence that they have been the most successful. So it wasn’t that she couldn’t do things or show love for anyone, she just did not do them for me.

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When you are speaking with your siblings I wouldn’t bring up anything to do with her having favorites. The favorites almost NEVER see that they were the favorites. Focus on your own financial situation and keep reiterating you are not in a financial position to contribute. Keep the details vague. It’s none of their business what your financial situation is and how you spend your money. Say what you can do that doesn’t involve financial help eg getting her on waitlists and just keep repeating that you aren’t in a financial position to help otherwise. Stay strong OP![/quote]

One other thought - do you have details on her income and spending? You could offer to review that as well. People who are bad with money tend to be bad their whole lives. She might be able to make it work with some better budgeting and maybe a cheaper apartment. How much is her SS and pension? [/quote]

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