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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have a similar situation with DD now mid 20s. If I had to choose a word to describe her partner it would be albatross. So the bad news is there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to push her away from the guy. The ONLY thing you can do is act with radical grace and acceptance, even if you don’t feel an ounce of it in your heart. Any criticism or suggestions to slow things down will be taken as an attack and she might cut you off.

As far as not inviting him to every single thing, you’re stuck there too. The old school rules were only a fiancé/fiancée, and then later a live in was also in that category and had to be invited. Unfortunately, we can’t fall back on those rules anymore! Essentially, your daughter has told you that she insist he be invited. So that is definitely what you have to do.

You grit your teeth so that you can continue to have a relationship with your daughter and perhaps future grandchildren. And this is also the only way that she will ever come to you if she recognizes that he’s damaging and wants to leave. I know it’s a better pill to swallow, but that’s it. You have to accept him end of story.

The only time the rules really change is if the partner is like a heroin addict or a sex offender. Then you have to protect the rest of the family. Anything sort of that level we just have to deal with.[/quote]

This is OP.
I am sorry you are in this situation. It sounds enormously stressful and just so sad. And so similar to my situation. Thanks for sharing your story with me. It is helpful. 
My dd's BF is not totally an albatross - but he does seem to weigh her down. 
Does your DD's albatross love-bomb your DD? 
That's the most worrying thing to me. 
I feel as though my DD's dull bf is looking for someone to fill the "wife" role, and she seems like a nice candidate.
Is that the worst thing in the world? No, but is it the best thing for my DD?
Women are so pressured to please men. And women lose themselves in pleasing men.
I worry my daughter will be held back by this man, who pays relentless, I'd almost say obsessive, attention to her -- now. 
It's hard to see her be dragged down by the seduction of his love-bombing.
It's happened to me (before I met DH), and fortunately, I got out of it in time, but it WAS seductive. To have a man totally interested in YOU, focused on YOU, and completely interested in YOU! 
That's what I see happening to my DD with this bf, and that worries me a lot.
Sigh. I'll do my best to take your advice and bite my tongue, PP, but it won't be easy!![/quote]

Is the BF medicated for ADHD or ASG or any of these things?

Go read the relationship forum and all the useless spouses with some neuro problem.

They sound like this BF.  Chances are if your DD marries this loser he will make sure she alienates you going forward so much of the advice about maintaining a relationship is likely useless.[/quote]

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