Reply to My teen daughter is overweight but does not care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Luckily DD chose to participate in sports in her school in HS (with a little encouragement but still, her decision) so in addition to dance twice a week and tennis once a week, the situation should shift hopefully. The sport at school starts in a couple of weeks (winter season).

Btw according to the teen BMI chart she is in 83rd percentile, overweight slightly.
I am not proud of this, but lack of motivation on her part and just general busyness makes it hard to get her even for a walk. She finds gazillion of excuses - tired, homework, already played tennis today, etc. maybe once a week I succeed. I would probably succeed more if I were less lazy myself :(
Also I agree with the poster who said that girls today are overall heavier than when we were that age and don't care about what they look like as much. In a way their care free attitude may be better as they are less self conscious but it's hard to see my own child wearing unflattering clothes (keeping my mouth shut though 99% of the time). It is a delicate balance - finding that edge where the responsibility for her health and teaching her good lifestyle habits collides with over nagging and causing too much weight obsession.[/quote]

I think the fact that you are ignoring her doctor's total lack of concern, checking out her BMI and seeing her as overweight when she technically isn't, is all a bad sign that you are way too invested in her weight.  And reading way too much into it.  I have a DD who is a teen and sounds like she is a similar weight and she is absolutely more comfortable with her weight than I was at her age but that doesn't mean she "doesn't care what she looks like."  She cares very much.  She just has a better, and I think healthier, body image than I did at that age.

And I don't think you are being nearly as easy on her as you think.  "Its hard to get her even for a walk."  You shouldn't be walking your teenage daughter.  Sure, a mother-daughter walk is a lovely thing but not when the point is because you see her as fat.  No wonder she makes excuses.

I think you've created a power struggle here and you nee to unilaterally and completely disarm.  You are teaching her nothing.  She knows all the facts about health and you have absolutely no control over what she eats or how she chooses to move her body.  She will make sure this is the case if you keep pushing.[/quote]

So what's your advise? Ignore until the weight creeps up into the obese category? As for the walks: it is more important for me that she gets some sun (separate issue, the kids today spend too much time indoors, no fresh air, no sunlight) than for weight loss. And yeah, I do believe they should be "walked" because these habits form when the kids are young and if we, as parents, don't push a little and teach our kids to get out, they would be stuck indoors now and in the future. I noticed that kids resist a lot of things but once they get going, they enjoy them. It is crazy to allow them to just spend all their time on the computer.[/quote]

My advice is to let her be.  She's trying to tell you the same thing in so many ways.  You are succeeding in nothing but creating tensions around food and exercise.

First you say she is overweight.  Then when it comes out that (1) her doctor doesn't think so, and (2) her BMI is in the normal range, you switch to, well she is on her way to being obese.  You claim you don't push her but little by little it comes out that you are and she is resisting, big time.  This is a recipe for anorexia, by the way, because as you try to control her, that is the one way in which she can exercise control back.

My second piece of advice is for you to get a therapist for yourself because you clearly have food/body image issues you are imposing on your daughter as well as a lack of perspective and boundaries.[/quote]

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