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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]if you haven't before- you need individual therapy, it will help you greatly. You started off by saying this was the first healthy romantic relationship you've had, yet this isn't/ wasn't a healthy relationship at all. I would explore what a healthy relationship should consist of, and most importantly, your own value and boundaries. Don't spend your time trying to figure out the why of his addiction and did he or did he not really mean the things he said- it's a rabbit hole you'll never get to the bottom of and soon you'll learn, it doesn't matter. best of luck to you-[/quote]

NP. Please, please re-read the incredibly wise advice above, OP. You already know you must break up with him, but please prepare yourself for the afterward -- have your first session with a therapist lined up. Remember: the therapy is NOT to try to figure out what HE is feeling or thinking or why he's behaving as he does; it is all about you, and moving forward. You first will have to dig hard into why you have never yet had any healthy romantic relationships, and only then can you move on (not just move on from him--move on in your life).

Please plan the breakup talk in advance. Don't wing it, or your emotions may take over and you could end up crying, or caving in if he suddenly seems contrite and sad and begs you not to leave him, etc. Prepare your mind in advance for potential reactions: What will you say if he, for instance, threatens that without you, he'll gamble more? Or even hurt himself, if you break up? If you can, roleplay your breakup with a trusted friend who can be tough and persistent in playing BF's role here. Write down your script for what you want to say. Do not break up in your home or at his home! I would do it somewhere public, where you can walk away immediately after (or if things go badly and he's angry). A coffee shop at a time when it's fairly empty but there are still staff around.

You do a great job of stating your feelings in your post, OP. But I would not lay all that out for him in detail, much as you might want to. Remember, the breakup is [i]not a conversation and not a debate and not a question -- it is simply you, making a statement with a period at the end. And then walking out the door.[/i]You do not want him to try to talk you out of breaking up, so do not engage if he tries to make excuses, says he does care more about you than about gambling, gets teary, whatever.

Give serious consideration to not dating anyone at all for a long while after you break up. Get into therapy and figure out the issue with unhealthy relationships so you do not repeat the pattern again. You can't really do that kind of internal work if you're also trying to date at the same time. 
Please update us. I'm concerned for you. But you do know you absolutely need to break up and the sooner the better.

Two years "sober" in 35 years? He can vow he'll finally stop this time, will stop for love of you, but his track record destroys any promises he'll make. [/quote]

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