Reply to My teen daughter is overweight but does not care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As the parent of another young teen who has had with weight, I think that weight issues for teens, especially young teens, can fall into 3 categories, and I'd respond accordingly.  I suspect your child is in category 1 (my own numbering system) but thought I'd offer all 3 for perspective.

1) Child has temporary issues with weight as a normal part of growing up.  As kids transition from parental control to more independence with food;move from the social norms of childhood (lots of outdoor play, recess and PE at school, recreational sports activities) to those of adolescence/adulthood (far fewer social activities that include exercise, possibly no PE at school, sports programs generally limited to those who excel), and see their growth slow down as puberty draws to it's end, it's normal for their weight to fluctuate.  Establishing lifelong habits, learning how to regulate on your own, and navigating temptations takes time.

For a "type 1" kid, I'd suggest continuing to model healthy habits, offer lots of healthy choices for both food and activities, involve your child in family things like a horseback riding outing, a day of whitewater rafting or a ski trip, but let her be in control.  Don't nag or insist on her doing things.  Don't make choices for her.  Remembering that making good choices is a skill that takes practice and if you're deciding what she's going to eat or what days she exercises she isn't practicing the skill.  In addition, be very careful about the messages you give her.  You want her to grow up happy and confident in her body, not fixated on her weight.  So avoid messages that might make her feel fat or less than perfect.

2) Child has weight issues that are symptoms of a bigger psychological problem.  This might be a teen who overeats due to depression, or a kid with anorexia.

For a "type 2 kid" treat the mental illness first, and follow the guidance of those professionals on the weight issue.

3) Child's weight issues are ongoing and present immediate safety concerns.  To be clear, I don't mean "Oh, she's on the border of the overweight category and I worry that her weight will creep up and she'll get . . . " I mean your child is significantly obese and shows signs of issues such as joint problems, high cholesterol, prediabetes symptoms etc . . .

In this case, and only in this case, I'd step in and take control, limiting portions, requiring exercise.  I'd still do it without messages of "you're fat", and I'd do everything in my power to make the things my kid did enjoyable and the food they ate yummy, so that they'd learn to like the new way of living, but I'd prioritize my kid's health.

[/quote]

This is very thoughtful . . . thank you (I'm not OP).[/quote]

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