Reply to In-laws coming for ten days

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m not happy with this. They are very old and needy and it’s at Christmas break when my college kids will be home.  They get upset easily if they feel we /kids are not spending enough time with them.

It’s making me dread the holidays. I suggested 5 days as a reasonable visit but my husband “feels badly” telling them this.

There is a bit more context. My father died 10 years ago and my mother is not well and in a full time facility and likely will die this year.  She hasn’t been able to visit for over 6 years (I do go see her, however my husband never does)

My husband also had an extremely painful affair that was in full tilt over the holidays two years ago and there is a lot of pain associated with this time of year and a strong desire on my part to overcome these memories and create new good times as a family and couple.

I’m definitely feeling resentful over this visit and realize fully it’s intermixed with other feelings re my parents and the affair.

Advice? [/quote]

I get how you are feeling. However, I would advise to make the best of this time so your kids don't remember you as the sour puss. Make it a happy family time. For spring vacation, make a plan for family to visit your mom or have her over and make the most of that time as well. Even if everyone can't make it, either have your mom visit or go visit her by yourself and have a great time. Don't make it a competition of whose parents come first. [/quote]

Nobody is telling her to be a sour puss. And you miss the point. The emotional and mental work for family visits is almost always on the mom. It just is. She needs to smile and put it on him, and make space for herself without feeling bad. If ILs pick up on something, he can explain it.[/quote]
Agreed. Drop the rope. [/quote]

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