Reply to Are my expectations for cross-country visits unreasonable?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

To clear up a couple of points. We have offered to pay for his airfare, but he hasn’t accepted. He is very independent and has never been willing to take money from us/others. [b]He has a notebook of the 2-3 times we paid his rent during college (because he was broke). He keeps saying he wants to pay us back, but we haven’t let him because we don’t feel like he owes us anything. [/b]

I am able to fly to see him, we did do a big family trip to DC two years ago, and are currently planning another trip. However, thanks to a drunk driver, I have a significant amount of metal in my body that makes it hard to get through security. [/quote]

Ok, here is a clue. He keeps a notebook going back that many years? That's unusual unless he's an accountant. And why would he want so badly to pay you back? I suspect he feels like you're holding these payments over him in an emotional way, rather than financial, and he wants to clear the "debt" by paying you back. You say you don't feel like he owes you anything, but it seems you feel owed a visit. And I think this is why he's declining your offers to pay for the flights home as well.

I have a lot of sympathy for you, I'd be super sad to see so little of my adult child. But you need to understand that this is why it's called the "empty nest". And if he marries you may get even less as he divides time with his new in-laws. So you need to improve your travel skills and find a way to emotionally cope. [/quote]

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