Reply to “Mean Girl” apologized. What now?

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Reply to "“Mean Girl” apologized. What now?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I highly suggest you stop with the mean girl trope and start to realize that these situations are usually complicated and being navigated by a bunch of immature kids who have buckets of insecurities as middle schoolers do.

I’m not blaming your daughter but if she refuses to be friends with the one girl, that did create an environment where kids this age are going to feel like they have to pick between them. They grow out of that as they get older and realize they can have different groups of friends and keep things seperate, but it takes a pretty emotionally mature 7th grader to do that - with that in mind, I’d encourage her to accept the apology and “be chill” with the girl as my kids would say. That does not mean friends - the other girl did not pick her when push came to shove and she should remember that. But it’s not healthy for anyone to harbor resentment and modeling moving past that while keeping boundaries intact is great emotional growth.

I have one daughter who was a “burn it all down” kinda person with friends (usually after putting up with a lot) and one that learned the previous skills of forgiveness (with boundaries intact) very young and the second way has been so much better…she’s so much happier in general (and so has my other daughter as she finally learns this at 16/17)

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I have two daughters like this and I pray that the “burn it down” one will learn this by 16/17!![/quote]

I hope so too - I have no idea why people are encouraging this! Holding onto resentment is the worst.

For mine that’s finally learning it - I suspect many others who burn it to the ground - it was actually emotional suppression. She would push down how she felt, not communicate calmly as things happened, fear confrontation and expressing herself, until the friendship was so frustrating she would end it in a huff, and kind of deactivate. If you look up avoidant attachment a lot of these kids follow these patterns.

It took a dating relationship that was mostly positive as well as a new friend group with better conflict resolution skills than the immature and/or trauma kids for her to slowly learn to communicate better before it got bad, and also to apologize and receive apologies.

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