Reply to SN parents, why don’t you disclose or share?

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Reply to "SN parents, why don’t you disclose or share? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?[/quote]

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong? [/quote]

And I am NOT saying I need particulars like dx - I just would like to know that she needs x,y,z. Or sometimes x,y,z happens. We have seen this kid in full meltdown when her bike “doesn’t go the right way” and I get it. Just tell
Me she needs x brand of chips in x flavor so I can make the evening easier on her and on my kid. [/quote]

Nobody actually knows that though OP. There’s not a secret instruction manual you aren’t getting. [/quote]

The parents do though, as kid says she gets x,y,z every day. If that’s what she gets, why would
You not set (or WANT to set) everyone up with success for the 4 days she was here? [/quote]

sigh. I guess you’re totally uninterested in listening. PS having the kid exposed to other households and have to ask for what she wants is GOOD for her. you also don’t have to give any child exactly what they ask for. the snack isn’t medicine. [/quote]

I Am interested in listening. But help me set her up for success. A different environment may be enough. I can offer something else, but if she only ever eats x brand of y, let me make sure I do have that so the whole experience is good in the end. To me, there is no bonus in sending an overwhelmed kid who is hangry home for the “experience”. I’m all for letting her ask, but I I dot have what it sounds like she needs, where is the benefit in that exercise? [/quote]

OP just stop hosting the kid. It sounds like you resent it and you’re getting toxic about it. [/quote]

How am I being toxic?

I want information so I can set her up for success.

I guess this is my question, but I can see that there’s an issue even with that. [/quote]

It’s been answered OP. If you feel like you need to see the kid’s IEP before you host, just stop hosting. Nobody is trying to pull a fast one on you. [/quote]

Seriously? How is asking to know what the kid needs in my house asking for an IEP?

This is what makes me sad. I can make accommodations if I know what they are. I don’t walk around each day with a crystal ball, nor do I know what your kid needs to make them happy and healthy and calm. How is that so intrusive if you’re trusting me with them for hours? I don’t need their diagnosis. I need to know they only eat blueberries and watermelon gushers or whatever it is that they need after school to make them happy. I don’t want their 3 hours here to be stressful, and I don’t want to hand off a hangry and irritated kid to you. I also want my kid to come home into her environment and not be walking on eggshells because I am doing your family a favor.

I also don’t want your kid to
Merely survive. I want them to have a good time at my house, with the snacks they prefer, while
Experiencing a different environment and timetable than their usual. I suspect that that may be enough some times. [/quote]

I would love for our kids to be friends Op![/quote]

Me too, PP. some of the most wonderful people in my life don’t have “normal” stories. I have a dear friend who is autistic, one who is Deaf, and who had Polio, one who has CP.. and we are all a wonderful mix of kinks and quirks and delicious differences. I just feel
Like there is some kid of barrier these days and I’m really trying to encourage kindness and openness, but I can’t help as much as I could when I’m being treated as a barrier, even though I’m helping with childcare and the like. [/quote]

?? Our kids are not props to make you feel like you have a “wonderful mix” of kids in your life. Wtf. [/quote]

Okay thanks. I’ll stop busting my ass trying to help
And be inclusive. At least I know it’s not appreciated to I can go on about my life as usual, with you calling me a jerk either way. [/quote]

Also, your child is not a prop to
Me, or I wouldn’t offer 20 hours of free child care when you were stuck. Your child is important, which is why I don’t understand why you don’t want to share the e information about what makes them happy. I’m sorry you feel
Life is unfair, but you don’t draw the only negative card (as you see it). Not everyone is the enemy. You’d see that if you’d just look around you and let people who want to help, help.

And the wonderful
Mix in my life is luck and choice - both for those wonderful friends and for me. They’re not below me and also choose me as a friend every day. I know that and I know how lucky I am to be able to have so many people who are so different who choose me to play whatever role I do. So stop it. [/quote]

lol so I guess you are the better judge of how “important” my kid is? If you truly believed that you would have rolled with the punches, talked to the kid about snacks, discussed directly with the parents. Instead you are here, on the SN board, seeking some weird combo of venting about SN parents (to our faces) and accolades about how “inclusive” you are. Had this been an honest question it would have beem something like this:

“DD has a friend who appears to be on the autism spectrum with some ridigity about snacks and figuring out how to play. How can I best raise this with the parents? How would you as parents like to be approached? Any best practices for play dates?”

Instead your post is literally all about how great you are, what a pain the girl is, and how the parents must be deliberately withholding information from you to which you are definitely entitled. [/quote]

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