Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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Reply to "What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d go with option 1, your ki may not want to see your DH for a long time, if ever.[/quote]

That's honestly not my end goal. I think they're going to be pretty pissed for some of the same reasons I'm pissed - there are so many healthier ways to say "this marriage isn't working for me anymore" and take next steps - but I also think they will find some compassion for their dad who is clearly in a dark place right now, as happy as he believes he is going to be with this other person.... [/quote]

Dad is responsible for his relationship with his kid.

Don’t lie to your kid about what dad is doing. You aren’t being vengeful or mean by gently and lovingly telling your child the truth about his family. He deserves to know the truth. He deserves to face what is happening and digest it and rebuild his life after he comes to terms with it. Lying about this will delay the process while magnifying the uncertainty. A painful truth is better than a pretty lie.

Under no circumstances should you be anything less than completely honest with your child. He’s going to be upset and confused about this situation and deserves the truth from someone who loves him. Do not leave him to “figure out” or guess at what is going on by himself. That’s intolerably cruel and will lead to possible mental health problems and certainly damage your trustworthiness with your son.

Your husband isn’t being honest with your son. You have to be the safe, sane parent.
[/quote] More really great points and thank you. I cannot manage their relationship.   My SIL left my brother many years ago. But not like this and not using someone else as a catalyst to get out. It's probably one of the healthiest divorces I know of and I give her mad props for how she handled the whole situation. She is still very much in my life - she and her partner stay with us when they're in town and she and her partner have spent many a Thanksgiving or Christmas at my parents' house. So I know from personal experience that it doesn't have to be so ugly and traumatic. Unfortunately, my situation is not the same and that's a huge bummer. It didn't have to be so ugly.[/quote]

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