Reply to If your spouse has much higher or lower energy than you do, how do you handle?

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Reply to "If your spouse has much higher or lower energy than you do, how do you handle?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's odd that you think being busy = growing. Whatever that even means. Growth can be contemplative and introspective, and people don't grow when they're forced onto another person's activity level. They just get tired and crabby.

There's a book about introverts, it's called Quiet, I think it would help you to read it. [/quote]

I read it, at my husband's request.  It helped me understand he's wired differently than I am. I am asking how other couples with an energy disparity handle it successfully so that both partners' needs are met.[/quote]

I am more extroverted and more high energy than my husband and always have been. We handle it by discussing the things that "need" to happen (he is open to hosting parties at our house every few months, we travel with friends, he attends all school and sports functions, we do lunches or dinners with friends regularly) and we both show up for those. Then the things that we "want" to happen, we make happen. If there's a party that he doesn't want to go to I'll go alone, for example. When at a sporting event together I will go talk to people and he will spend more time focusing on watching the kids.

I think we probably do slightly less than I would chose were it entirely up to me and I imagine he feels like we do slightly more than he would chose, but we're both ok making that sacrifice for the other. I think the key is understanding who you're married to. I knew my husband was quieter and less outgoing than me when we dated. But I also knew that he was willing to step up and do things he wouldn't normally if it mattered to me. And I was willing to step away from things I would normally do if it mattered to him that we not do it. So there's give and take. But what there isn't is insisting that there is something wrong with either of us for wanting things the way we want them. I'm not any more "right" to want to do things and he's not any more "right" to want to do less. (Hint, OP, you're not right in wanting to be busier). As a result, we're able to compromise and find a happy medium.

It sounds like maybe OP you think your husband should be higher energy than he is, and that way of thinking may have caused him to react resentfully and want to do less with you.[/quote]

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