Reply to If your spouse has much higher or lower energy than you do, how do you handle?

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Reply to "If your spouse has much higher or lower energy than you do, how do you handle?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does he want?[/quote]

To do exactly what he's doing now and for me to like it, not just accept it.[/quote]

I'm this person in my marriage, and it's because I have to manage my activity level and physical strain pretty carefully or I pay a price for it the next day. You're asking him to give you a lot more of his energy, and you need to recognize that it will come at a cost for him even though it doesn't for you. For example if I go on a long hike with my husband, I know I will have a flare-up of nerve pain and it will bother me for a week. I'm willing to do it sometimes, but sometimes not, if I don't feel like I can handle the consequences without other problems arising.

I think your willingness to carefully titrate his energy usage and to accept that he needs recovery time will help you. [/quote]

How will it help me?[/quote]

OP, in this whole thread you are constantly thinking about ME, ME, ME.  How is this fun for me?  I want to do more (and he should come along).  I want to do this, I want to go out, I want to see my friends....nothing even trying to meet him in the middle (which can look like going out with friends and leaving him behind).

Perhaps you should consider a paid companion whose job it is to focus on you all the time.  That's what you seem to want out of your husband.[/quote]

Why shouldn't OP think about herself? Yes, she wants to do more and socialize more! Her husband is happy with the status quo and she is not - that's the f'in point.[/quote]

Because she says he wants "to do exactly what he's doing now and for me to like it, not just accept it." And she says that like it's a bad thing. But that's exactly what she wants from him for herself, and she's not self-aware enough to realize it.[/quote]

She wants a husband she can go do some things with - see some friends, go have a little outing or whatever. It's not like she's crying because she wants him to bring home $5 million tomorrow and he just won't figure out how. She sounds frustrated - yes. She probably is frustrated that she wants a partner to enjoy life with and instead has someone who only wants to sit at home.

I'm the one with the lower energy spouse who posted on the first page - and this has been an issue in my marriage, too! But luckily my spouse and I work together so that both our needs are met - I don't badger him to go out with friends all the time but only make plans for the two of us to see other people a couple of times a month, which he can manage; and he knows that I need some fun with him and usually once a week or once every two weeks he will find a little thing for us to do. This way we both feel taken care of, and we're working together to have a happy home - it doesn't work if OP is the only one who is compromising or considering her spouse's needs. Her husband has to give something, too. And in the meantime, yes, she's frustrated! [/quote]

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