Reply to If your spouse has much higher or lower energy than you do, how do you handle?

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Reply to "If your spouse has much higher or lower energy than you do, how do you handle?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does he want?[/quote]

To do exactly what he's doing now and for me to like it, not just accept it.[/quote]

I'm this person in my marriage, and it's because I have to manage my activity level and physical strain pretty carefully or I pay a price for it the next day. You're asking him to give you a lot more of his energy, and you need to recognize that it will come at a cost for him even though it doesn't for you. For example if I go on a long hike with my husband, I know I will have a flare-up of nerve pain and it will bother me for a week. I'm willing to do it sometimes, but sometimes not, if I don't feel like I can handle the consequences without other problems arising.

I think your willingness to carefully titrate his energy usage and to accept that he needs recovery time will help you. [/quote]

How will it help me?[/quote]

OP, in this whole thread you are constantly thinking about ME, ME, ME.  How is this fun for me?  I want to do more (and he should come along).  I want to do this, I want to go out, I want to see my friends....nothing even trying to meet him in the middle (which can look like going out with friends and leaving him behind).

Perhaps you should consider a paid companion whose job it is to focus on you all the time.  That's what you seem to want out of your husband.[/quote]

Why shouldn't OP think about herself? Yes, she wants to do more and socialize more! Her husband is happy with the status quo and she is not - that's the f'in point.[/quote]

No it isn’t. He should do what makes him happy and she should do what makes her happy.

What she is insisting is that she can only be happy if he comes along with her, and that is unfair.  If she wants to socialize more, she is free to do it but not insist he go along too.[/quote]

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