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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Low expectations.

Ha![/quote]

Yes! The secret of marriage is you have to just stay married[/quote]

+1.  My parents have stayed married even though my mom is/was verbally abusive to my Dad and all of us kids.

Staying together allowed them to accumulate substantial wealth - my mom SAHMd and my Dad made money at BigLaw and in the sale of a company, which he would not have been able to do if he had to take on 50% of parenting. So, I guess you would say they were "successful" and "picked well.".  My Mom didn't "pick well". She simply married the guy who asked her, as she acknowledged herself.  She is lucky my Dad stayed with her and didn't leave her despite her abuse.

I think in retrospect us kids would have done better in a divorced non-abusive home. Staying together also meant that all the kids were raised in a highly abusive environment that basically crippled us emotionally. None of my siblings formed stable long term partnerships let alone marriages.

I had several long term relationships and ultimately had kids but their Dad, who I thought I had screened carefully, turned out to be a liar - deeply duplicitous in a way I only uncovered by accident (but then had the wisdom to continue to pull the thread of the first lie). Sadly, I consider myself lucky to have found out so quickly and severed ties with him when our kids were very young. They were able to grow up in a relatively healthy way, which would not have happened if we had been married.

So, long story short - I didn't have a successful marriage, but I consider myself a more successful parent as a divorcee than my married parents were.
I've also learned that those who have successful marriages are in large part simply lucky or have decided to stay in unhealthy situations that mean their marriage is intact but the impact to self or kids is terrible. [/quote]

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