Reply to 50/50 not the norm nationwide

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you guys have close to 50-50 in terms of time actually.

I get why you are upset about the school issue but I can see it from both sides. If moving to the other school district will give kids extra stability in the form of as n extended family network, there's an argument it's in their best interest. The judge is not going to look at school quality unless there's a safety concern-- way too subjective.

The real issue here is that you and your ex couldn't agree on the school issue and forced it to the judge. That's your collective failure. I see from your perspective why you want them to stay in the current district but we're there issues with things like your ex affording housing there or continuity if childcare if the kids are going back and forth between two houses with working single parents and no family support? Did you try to work out a compromise or did you both dig your heels in?

Judges don't want to make decisions like that and their preference is always for the parents to figure it out while working together to come up with a satisfactory solution. But if you don't, yes there's the risk that the judge's resolution won't be exactly what you want

Next time try to work it out. This is the reality of divorce with kids.[/quote]

OP here. She is incredibly stubborn. I knew this before marrying her I overlook that red flag. So I do blame myself but oh well. With tried mediation and she left the zoom call before the first session ended
 At that point the mediator told me we had to go to court.

We were renting in the school district and rent is affordable here. So there was no reason for her to uproot them. None.

I didn't go into debt because out of spite she would have actually gone into a million dollar debt of needed just to score some kind of "victory". If I had taken a lawyer I think the cost would have been too much.

I don't necessarily believe it was a biased decision in favour of the mother, but the court (judge) I felt put too much weight on what the mother (though her lawyer) felt was the right decision to make.

I am terrified and sad that I may end up being less closed to my kids because I won't see them most days during the school year. And when she starts dating again it's very possible that man will see my kids more than me. Unfortunately there is a wrong assumption that men (sadly we get all lumped in the same bag) drift away from their kids after divorce.

For now I am looking for a better job. With the free time I now have I am taking additional training..once I get a better job I will take her to court to revise the custody schedule.[/quote]

The reality remains you likely would have had a better outcome with a lawyer of your own.

When I got divorced the best advice I received was to negotiate the terms like it was the rest of my life. Because it was. [/quote]

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