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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to feel like you, when the marriage was going well.

15 years into our relationship my DH had a mental breakdown and became very volatile, angry, and abusive. Tried a bunch of therapy and it didn’t work. Divorce. Due to having built my career beforehand, I was able to buy him out of the house and I know who I am without the relationship because we married when I was 30 and not 20.

I am glad I spent that time in investing in myself. My education gave me a career and the means to make a home independently of my marriage. My travel and time with friends let me build up a network that has been rock solid and there for me through this whole ordeal. And I know I was fine and happy before this and will be fine and happy now. If I had done the traditional route I would’ve been screwed.[/quote]

I met my husband at 21. Failing to understand [b]why you think that precludes a woman from an education, career, travel or building up friend networks[/b], all of which I have. It’s this mentality that a partnership prevents these dimensions of life that is holding young women back.[/quote]

Because you’re less mobile when you’re married since you can’t live in two different place and often, one spouse’s job takes precedent. Similar story with social life.  You have to sacrifice where you travel to since now you have to compromise with a spouse. You often end up purchasing real estate, which may be a good thing financially, but it takes priority over travel and a social life.

Women provide a lot of unpaid labor for men and when you get married most women take on more unpaid labor. As a result there is less time for travel, education, socializing etc.

Anecdotally, life changed for my friends who married young. They are relatively educated but once they got married everything seemed to change and it became about playing house. [/quote]

Making sacrifices and compromises is just part of being inna relationship.  It’s not a punishment or a setback.

Honestly, and there is no way to say this without sounding snarky, but I think the fundamental disconnect between women who think marrying young is good (or even just fine) and those who think it’s some life-ruining mistake is maturity.  You may have not been mature enough to commit to something or someone beyond your own immediate desires when you were early to mid 20s, and that’s okay.  It makes sense for you to wait to get married.  Other people don’t see life that way, and for them it makes sense to marry when you know you’re with someone you want to be married to.[/quote]

But it takes maturity to know you’re not mature enough to commit, so….[/quote]

Sure, maturity exists on a spectrum I suppose.  Some young people who get married are immature, some older people who get married are immature.

My post is more a reaction to the reasons being offered up here: but OMG what about tRaVeL?!  For example.[/quote]

The tRaVeL you mention -- for me -- isn't some weekend trips to the Bahamas or an all inclusive in Tulum. The kind of travel that shaped me and my friends is the kind that pushes personal comfort zones and develops a kind of independence that's really hard to do in the same way when you're at home.

I'm talking about stuff like working abroad, [b]long term backpacking[/b], Peace Corps, etc.

Women often move into a caretaking role leading up to marriage and it only gets way more intense. I think 20-something women benefit from putting themselves and their preferences and values first for a period of time before they get subsumed into marriage and kids.

[/quote]

:lol: [/quote]

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