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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to feel like you, when the marriage was going well.

15 years into our relationship my DH had a mental breakdown and became very volatile, angry, and abusive. Tried a bunch of therapy and it didn’t work. Divorce. Due to having built my career beforehand, I was able to buy him out of the house and I know who I am without the relationship because we married when I was 30 and not 20.

I am glad I spent that time in investing in myself. My education gave me a career and the means to make a home independently of my marriage. My travel and time with friends let me build up a network that has been rock solid and there for me through this whole ordeal. And I know I was fine and happy before this and will be fine and happy now. If I had done the traditional route I would’ve been screwed.[/quote]

I met my husband at 21. Failing to understand [b]why you think that precludes a woman from an education, career, travel or building up friend networks[/b], all of which I have. It’s this mentality that a partnership prevents these dimensions of life that is holding young women back.[/quote]

Because you’re less mobile when you’re married since you can’t live in two different place and often, one spouse’s job takes precedent. Similar story with social life.  You have to sacrifice where you travel to since now you have to compromise with a spouse. You often end up purchasing real estate, which may be a good thing financially, but it takes priority over travel and a social life.

Women provide a lot of unpaid labor for men and when you get married most women take on more unpaid labor. As a result there is less time for travel, education, socializing etc.

Anecdotally, life changed for my friends who married young. They are relatively educated but once they got married everything seemed to change and it became about playing house. [/quote]

Making sacrifices and compromises is just part of being inna relationship.  It’s not a punishment or a setback.

Honestly, and there is no way to say this without sounding snarky, but I think the fundamental disconnect between women who think marrying young is good (or even just fine) and[b] those who think it’s some life-ruining mistake is maturity.  You may have not been mature enough to commit to something or someone beyond your own immediate desires when you were early to mid 20s, and that’s okay.[/b]  It makes sense for you to wait to get married.  Other people don’t see life that way, and for them it makes sense to marry when you know you’re with someone you want to be married to.[/quote]

Was it maturity, or was it that I was investing in my career? Because now I have a successful career with flexible hours and a large retirement account. I don’t see how I could have spent two years working in London and worked long hours while married. For me, getting married young would have meant putting all my eggs in one basket.

I am from an area where women marry young and outside of one doctor, I don’t know any of the women who still have successful careers. They have all either stayed home or had middling careers since they graduated college. Because they married young and their life became about supporting their husband in various ways instead of focusing on their own life.

It seems like the women I grew up with didn’t realize it’s a big world and they could forge their own path. They thought their only option was to hitch their wagon to a man. [/quote]

One of the most successful women I know got pregnant our senior year of college[b]. She married the summer before medical school and is a happily married doctor decades later.

[/b]I know another pediatrician mom of four who married at 28.

Multiple friends of ours married right out of law school and are working parents and together still today. Again, married mid 20s.

It’s odd to me that you don’t know any women with careers who married in their 20s.  [/quote]

Did she have family money?  Getting knocked up and continuing on to medical school is highly unusual.

[/quote]

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