Reply to My mom is like Kate Gosselin

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "My mom is like Kate Gosselin"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Literally NO ONE on this thread has advocated for yelling or said it's okay. Rather, some of us are pointing out that women who do this are often responding (dysfunctionally and badly) to an existing bad dynamic.

Both of my parents were yellers. My siblings and I yelled at each other. We had a very dysfunctional and abusive environment when I was a kid. But I can also see that my parents yelled for different reasons, and it's useful to me to understand why that yelling happened in order to break the cycle in my own family.

My dad yelled because he was totally disconnected from his own emotions and felt everything as rage. He lacked communication skills and emotional management and he also subscribed to a "tough guy" self image and thought he could bully people into doing things. He also hit us.

My mom yelled out of frustration and exhaustion. She didn't have a partner in my dad and he was not supportive of her emotionally or practically. She was overwhelmed and felt unheard (because she was). She yelled to try and be heard because she was very often ignored.

Both of my parents came from abusive homes with similar dynamics, and they married and had kids very young. To a great degree they had no other options for behavior because they had ZERO other role models. Even now my parents are confused and surprised by how I parent, and shocked to see how effective calm communication is.

Writing off yelling as a "personality disorder" is lazy and unhelpful. People yell for reasons. Talking about those reasons doesn't excuse the yelling but it can help explain it and understand it. I can have empathy for both my parents even as a still have anger and resentment towards them for their behavior.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics