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[quote=Anonymous]OP I have a similar situation but I am the daughter. I could go on and on about how difficult things are between me and my mom.  I have often had to remind my mom "everything is not about you".  One of the problems is that she seems to have the parent/child roles mixed up in her mind.  It's like she expects me to be HER parent sometimes.  Like I am responsible for her emotional well being.  Sometimes I think she's actually jealous of my kids!

For example, she would get upset because of something my husband did (doesn't he LIKE me?) or where I decided to let my dad hold my baby shower (it's not "neutral" territory").  Or the fact that I gave my baby MY last name as a middle name.  Which she still happens to bear but it pisses her off because she is divorced from my dad.

Don't get me started on my wedding.  There are plenty of pictures of my mom - but not a single one with a SMILE on her face.  It was just SO upsetting for her to have to (fill in the blank - travel, be around her sister, be around her ex husband, whatever).  Try talking to her - when she gets a bottle of wine in her - and just wait for the harsh, defensive, combative attack.  I've taken to just going to bed whenever she visits so I can avoid the drunken confrontation/rehash of  how horrible my dad is or whateve she's on about today.....

My mom has said to me, "Why is it that I see so many friends who have GREAT relationships with their children, and I have such a difficult relationship with you/your sister?".  I replied, "I do't know mom.  But have you ever thought about the idea that you might be 50% of the problem?

It's a shame, because since there has to be some sort of conflict every time we see each other, we spend less time together - and she's missing out on seeing her grandchildren as much as she could otherwise.

If I were you I would do what others have said.  Stop giving.  Stop being a doormat.  Disengage.  Don't take it personally.  Treat her like you would treat any other realtive of whom you are fond, and expect the same courtesy and respect in return.  You need to turn down the intensity of this relationship.  LET IT GO.  [/quote]

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