Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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Reply to "Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do think life has gotten more complex though.  The amount of deadlines and tasks to do are varied and complex. People still live on farms and do the same thing every year. I think a lot of men are not into the kids details and not able to switch from category to category in life. Men enjoy the simple life more.  This task just isn't something he was ever taught and if you think about it no other generation of Men had to consider it either.[/quote]

Yes BUT (double ADHD marriage here):

My DH allows himself to just do what he wants in order to deal with that complexity. Going to work is the only obligation he actually forces himself to do. Otherwise he simply does what he wants and skips any task that isn't appealing enough to motivate him on it's own. Do he doesn't go to he dentist, he doesn't look into solutions when our DC is struggling at school, he doesn't do yard work, he doesn't gas up the car, etc. He wants to watch TV, do Duo Lingo, read Twitter, cook meals he enjoys ,(doesn't care if DC will eat them), etc.

Whereas I *suffer* a lot more through my ADHD because I actually accept that I have obligations beyond just taking care of my own needs. I work but I also prioritize a lot of stress off for our kid and our household because I know it has to be done. I don't always do it well and some stuff doesn't get done because of the ADHD. But I'm out here making lists and trying. There are many times when his lack of interest in something necessary (like signing our kid up for aftercare or responding to a teacher's email or making sure our kid learns to swim) actively thwarts me trying to do it because he's annoyed about any disruption to his priorities even if the disruption is just me talking about it or saying I can't do XYZ with him because I need to do it.

It has gotten a little better over the years because I've forced the issue. One way we deal with it is to find more kid and household stuff he likes do that he'll do them and that lightens my load some. So like he takes DD to the playground a lot which at least freese up to do household admin. He's also taken on one cleaning task (the kitchen, since he likes cooking anyway) which helps.

But I'm still always the one who forces myself to care about the state of that mist be done but neither of us likes. All the school admin and doctors appointments and playdates etc. I don't like that stuff anymore than DH does but I'm willing to make it a priority. I'm willing to sacrifice in other areas to get it done. And he's just not.

I really do not think that I have less severe ADHD than him or am better at multitasking. I just think that he allows himself to view this stuff as optional for him and I don't. It's not that he doesn't care about DD or me -- and know he does. But he views out needs as outside his purview. He assumes someone else will take care of them, and that someone is me.[/quote]

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