Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I think you’re thinking about it wrong. Like PP upthread said the benefit, if there is one, is that he just doesn’t have to do much that doesn’t directly help himself. Cash in an envelope at a kids party (blech, btw, everyone who thinks this is great is wtf. It’s not the end of the world but come on people, way to lower the bar) is a great example. He was able to sleep in, didn’t have to wrap anything, etc.

But the real answer is not what the benefit is for him, but what the consequences are. Which is to say, none. Unfortunately, everything is taken care of by you so there’s no fallout for him. You have my sympathy because as a single mom who does it all, I couldn’t imagine another adult in my house sitting around benefiting from my labor. My 12-year-old DD functions like a mini adult to help with chores, her own responsibilities, etc. I’m raising her this way intentionally. When I read threads about husbands that are like this (I assume they think all they need to do is earn money? Which I do as well, so yeah, it’s not enough if you want a family), I feel deep empathy because that sounds really hard.

[b]Everyone says “just let him feel the consequences“ but the truth is that in a family, the people who will really feel it will be the kids.[/b] So I’m not sure what the answer is except marriage counseling, and being prepared to walk away if you have to. But that’s also not an easy answer. [/quote]

I struggled with that and thought the right thing was to protect my kids. But reality is, if dad doesn’t give AF, they WILL feel it eventually whether they’re 10 or 40. At some point they figure out dad just doesn’t care and I’m not sure if delaying that as long as possible is the best thing for them.

Also, kids learn from what they observe. I don’t want my daughters to learn they need to behave this way for their own husbands someday. [/quote]

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