Reply to massive disagreement with husband about handling kids who won't deal with college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son with severe ADHD needed all the help he could get from me, and since he was grateful for the help and tried hard to not get too distracted, I felt he deserved it.

You need to be on board with helping, but you also need to take the car keys and nix the pocket money, and possibly the phone on weekends. Carrot AND stick, OP. It's not one or the other. Your husband is the carrot, you are the stick. The decisions your kids make for their college applications will have long-term consequences: don't let your anxiety and anger hamper their future now, but do exert just the right amount of pressure so they do some of the work.

It's a team effort!

[/quote]

Me again.

[b]I wanted to clarify that DS filled everything out himself (two years ago), but due to his inattentive ADHD, I was right there to stop the daydreaming and Youtubing (his particular addiction). I hovered in his vicinity every damm weekend with my laptop and cup of tea,[/b] magically available to help at the drop of a hat, and with eyes in the back of my head. He asked me to double-check his apps for typos, and to fill out parental background which he was unaware of. I did the FAFSA and CSS and just asked him to sign. His essays took the longest, most agonizing and laborious time, because of his difficulties talking about himself and his abysmal processing speed. This is where I had to edit heavily, and for some essays, suggest complete reworks. He took some of my suggestions and made changes, but kept his own voice and ideas, which was the goal.

My husband did nothing except to sign the checks.

[/quote]

OP here.  [b]Did your son agree to do this (Sit at the table with his laptop, filling out forms)?[/b]  Mine refuses.  He has every excuse why he can't.  He either goes out with friends, to school games or sits in his room with his phone for 10-12 hours a day, watching Youtube.  He then does homework on Sundays so always has (and continues to be) good with that. 
My husband won't police his cell phone or internet use (never has) so it's hard to override it.

Again, my son is independent with getting homework done.  He's good about this.  But he won't independently engage with anything college related and the weeks keep ticking by. [/quote]

What does your son say when you ask him when he plans to do it? Is it just “I’m fine mom, I’ll get to it?” That is what my son said. So I said “fine, when will you get to it by?” He gave me a day, and we agreed that if he hadn’t done it by that date I would enforce it - we’d have a workshop where he had to do it in my presence. We put the date on the calendar. Surprise surprise, he didn’t get to it by the date and so he had to sit down with me. We now set small goals - bullet points for essay, intro para for essay, first draft of full essay etc and set a day by which he needs to have it done or he gets time with mom. It is maddening because the whole stupid essay would take about an hour to write if he just sat down and did it, but he won’t, so this is what we are doing.

Also…have some faith in your kids. They presumably know how to write a 600 word essay, and if need be they’ll do it the day it is due. If they miss the EA/ED deadline there is RA and schools with rolling admissions. They’ll find their way.[/quote]

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