Reply to Just found out my ex is trans

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are people coming down on OP so hard? she's allowed to have mixed feelings about someone she was involved with changing genders.  It's a normal part of processing massive change[/quote]

but this person isn't in her life and hasn't been for 20 years. What change is there for oP exactly? [/quote]

People have weird feelings when they find out things about people they had very influential relationships with. And it is frequently difficult to parse out exactly why.

I think people feel like, when they find out someone they were in a serious relationship had a different se*uality or something like this, it makes you doubt yourself. How did I not see that? I thought I knew them well? What does this mean about me? Was I subconsciously attracted to that part of them?

All kinds of random weird thoughts because we think of attraction and this kind of stuff as very private and there is a lot of shame about it in our culture (on every angle of the spectrum) and so questioning what you thought about your own inclinations and judgement happens.

I think this is NBD and OP will quickly get over it. This just made them reexamine a probably profoundly impactful relationship and wonder what it means about them. The answer is likely nothing! But dredging up old feelings is always disconcerting.[/quote]

This exactly. The people suggesting OP is weird to 'have feelings' about this are being purposefully obtuse, and dare I say, 'woke'!

OP has learned that a core and fundamental part of her ex was essentially a facade. You would have to be an unfeeling robot to not want to reflect on that. The facade was obviously not nefarious or purposeful. But it's still a very big deal to find this out. A person's gender is fundamental to an intimate, sexual relationship.    
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