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[quote=Anonymous]I have a bigg-ish job - division director at a very large hospital with about 50 direct and indirect reports (both physicians and non-physician staff). I make ~500K.

It was BAD the first year. I thought it would get better, but there have been nonstop staffing shortages since Covid. There are also physician shortages, so I see a full load of patients in clinic, with no dedicated admin time. No WFH for me, either, because we have to see patients in person and I have be in-house to deal with admin issues.

Our kids are older (tweens) but we have dealt by 1) having a great nanny - she does everything. We employ her full time, so when the kids are at school she does grocery shopping and the laundry (she also watches a lot of TV, but I’m fine with that - she’s worth her weight in gold). She is listed as a parent with their (pubic) school so she gets their emails, and would’ve signed the kids up for activities (I probably wouldn’t have even know I was supposed to do that). We pay her very very well, and she’s been with us since the kids were born. I don’t care at all if they love her as much as they love me - she loves them too, it’s not a contest, and I think they are lucky to have someone else in their life like that! 2) I can’t always be flexible (patients) but if I can leave work for a school thing then I do. And I make a lot of noise about it because I want to normalize within our division that it’s OK to have a life outside of work 3) my husband does a lot of kid-stuff and house-stuff - A LOT! He has a good but not great job, and he doesn’t love it. He kind of “leaned out”, which was his choice. He doesn’t want to move into management, so he’s in a holding pattern. He WFH most of the time and has a flexible schedule, which is hugely helpful 4) my kids seem very respectful of my career, which makes me feel better. They know that the patients our team takes care of are sometimes very very sick and will die without our care. They think it’s cool that I get flown around the world to give talks (although I personally don’t love that part….) and both have expressed an interest in being doctors - so it can’t be that bad to have me as a parent if they want to follow in my footsteps (I have tried to discourage them, but that’s a whole other story) and 5) when I am home I just kind of sit around for at least 1 day a week - I mean, I check my phone and answer emails, but I am not a whirlwind of activity for at least one day a week (today is one such day, but they are both still asleep… and I’m still in bed scrolling DCUM) - so at least never a week we watch stupid TV together (so much Bluey! It shocks me how much tweens love that show!), go to museums, go out to dinner, take walks, etc. I am also a maniac about vacation - I take my whole 4 weeks, and I will only work an hour or 2 a day when we are on vacation. I have made an effort to normalize with our team that we must cover for each other during our vacation weeks.

With regard to my husband, that can get challenging. However, he grew up with more money than me and likes nicer things. He doesn’t want to work crazy-long hours, so he just kind of sucks it up because he likes the lifestyle. He gets grumpy sometimes, but a lot of times it’s not about me, and my friends say the same about their husbands. It just seems like 45-50 year old guys are grumpy…?

So, I have no great advice. But so far it’s been challenging but do-able. I do think it helps that they all clearly respect my work and/or my paycheck. Also, I have friends from med school and college whose moms have “big jobs”, and they all love and respect their parents (and their former nanny!). It doesn’t seem to have hurt their relationship at all.

My mother, on the other hand, was a very involved parent but does not approve AT ALL of my intense job, and gives me a hard time about it incessantly. She thinks that women should not work like this and that it is “emasculating” for my husband. I just kind of ignore her rants and I only call her once a week while I am commuting and most just say “uh huh” and “mmmm” when we “talk”. [/quote]

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