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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
Anonymous wrote:

The neighbors are making a choice to help her. You can politely thank them for their efforts and also remind them that you and your brother do not have a relationship with your mother right now and are not interested in changing that due to her behavior. You would not even know that this was going on if neighbors had not gotten in touch with you. She has a home care agency helping, which is what you would be getting established anyway. Those people will note problems and escalate if necessary. You will probably be contacted at some point as next of kin, but my understanding is that you actually are not obligated to accept that responsibility. You can decline, and the person asking will go down the list.

We are estranged from my husband's mother for similar reasons. It's been about a year and a half since he went no-contact with her. If we were informed that she was declining in health, my response would be, "Thank you for letting me know. As you are aware, we don't have a relationship with Jan anymore due to her abusive behavior, and for this reason, we are not able to help with the situation." It feels awful and cold, but when I think about the reasons we had to cut her out of our lives, it reminds me how I don't want to expose my kids or my amazing husband to his toxic mom, no matter how much empathy I have as a human for another suffering human.

I just hate imposing on other people. The neighbors seem very nice people but they have their own families. I may not like our mother but the thought of her lying there alone is just cruel. Maybe I am getting sentimental with age, but I think our Dad would be so mad at us for not helping her. He was a great guy, we loved him.

This is why.  You ARE imposing on the neighbors.  And yes, no matter how awful your mom may be---[b]abandoning her IS cruel.  Be better than she has been.  The fact that you know your current behavior would distress your late father whom you loved is your conscience telling you what to do.    But most importantly, your behavior is what you are modelling for your children.    You can model setting boundaries AND stepping up to basic human decency.  How your children see you treat your mom will be what they carry with them and if they see you abandon her, then the same thing may one day happen to you.[/quote][/b]

What a crock. You always with this crap that your kids are going to treat you blah blah blah. I guarantee op has a very different relationship with her children and has more respect for them than her mother ever did. Useless drivel prior poster.[/quote]

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