Reply to Blended Family Expenses

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Demanding 50/50 split for bio kids or household expenses is crazy when you are married. That's something divorced couples do.

In marriage there is give and take, and that includes providing expenses for college aged daughter, even if she isn't your biological daughter. You've been in her life for at least 8 years. However, you both need a firm line with the amount you are paying for college. Expense money (all of it) should come out of a combined pot, even when one spouse adds more to the pot than the other.

I say this as a wife who at times has contributed more and less than my husband. We are a combined unit. [/quote]

If you read OP's original post she says, "I am at a point where I am doing everything on my own and covering our bio kids expenses without any financial contribution from my spouse. There are other issues in marriage on top of this one such as baseless infidelity accusations, emotional abuse, and etc."  What's even crazier than splitting 50/50[b] is paying for everything. [/b] This couple is on their way to a divorce, and OP ought to be thinking now about herself and her little kids as her step-life sounds like it's coming to an end on its own.    [/quote]

Many marriages have it so that one spouse pays for everything. That's the joint pot.

Income 1 + Income 2 = HHI

HHI - college expenses - family expenses = X

Then X can either be joint savings, or split between the spouses individual savings. Some years X = zero.  Those are the lean years. It happens.

Marriage is not always 50-50, whether that means financial contributions or otherwise. OP doesn't like that set up, then yes it's time to divorce.  However, that doesn't mean she is going to end up with a larger percentage of X.  Divorce is so damn expensive. I'd put up with tution for two more years and work on my marriage. [/quote]

Might point is that it looks like he's planning on leaving OP based on the following Red Flags:

1. She says: "[b]I am at a point where I am doing everything on my own and covering our bio kids expenses without any financial contribution from my spouse[/b]."   I would be suspicious of a spouse who previously participated in joint expenses but is now withholding.  I don't care what the justifications are - this is a red flag.

2.  She says: "There are other issues in marriage on top of this one such as [b]baseless infidelity accusations[/b], [b]emotional abuse[/b], and etc." Baseless infidelity accusations are often a sign that the accuser is cheating themselves, feeling guilty, and blame-shifting to ease their guilt and move on with another person.  Emotional abuse is also a sign that a spouse no longer values you or the marriage.

I understand in a happy blended family (assuming that isn't an oxymoron), your approach makes sense.  This does not sound like a happy blended family.  It sounds like a blended family that is imploding, and OP should wise up and prepare herself, particularly because the [b]facts suggest he values his first child more than his subsequent children with OP,[/b] and provided for them is going to fall mostly on her.  [/quote]
I disagree with this, but I'm wondering why you think this? What has OP written that makes you think he values one child over the others? Because he pays for a vehicle and cell phone? Should he pay for elementary children to also have vehicles and phones just to make it even?[/quote]

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