Reply to How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t understand how “right of first refusal works.” So every day dad would have to check in with mom to offer her pickup from preschool until he was off work? And if she passes/“refuses” then he has to scramble to get someone else to do it?

What if he decides to cut out of work early? Then he has to reach out to his ex again to say he doesn’t need childcare?

Child is never allowed to spend an afternoon hanging out with the dad’s fiancée until he gets home, just because mom wants that time? Child has to go back and forth between houses every single day??

Sounds deranged. Anyone who wants that level of involvement and control over their ex’s life and household has major issues. Cant tell you how to prove that to the court tho. 
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These clauses are designed to prevent a custodial parent from hiring a babysitter when you have a parent who has a minimal amount of visitation and is available to provide childcare and would like to eke out more time with their child. Even then it often doesn’t include childcare needed while working and should have a stipulation that it only kicks in after a period of time—maybe 4 hours, anything longer than a typical work shift, or overnight. That way a parent doesn’t have to offer childcare every time they go see a movie with a friend or pop out to the store and let the child stay home with someone else or risk being held in contempt.

It’s simply not a necessary clause when parents have roughly equal parenting time and is usually used by a high-conflict parent to try to exert control over their coparent, as is happening here.

[b]Coparents who won’t abuse this clause don’t need it in the first place. For coparents who think they need it, it will cause more conflict and stress than good.[/b]

[/quote]

I disagree strongly, based on my lived experience. I have ROFR in my parenting plan-ours is 4 or more hours, applies to biological parents only, and does not apply during school hours. We both excersize it at times. For us, having had this for over 2 years, it's easy and no conflict. And our dc would much rather be with one of us than a sitter. OP, note that ROFR goes both ways, meaning you can keep your dd when ex is not available (for whatever time length you agree to).

OP, I am all about a strong, structured parenting plan. Mine is, and our divorce and coparenting is very amicable. It's best to start off with structure and clear plans-you can always get flexible later if you and ex get to a better place. Have every holiday in the plan, birthdays, everything. There is a link online to a sample Florida parenting plan that you can look at and get ideas from. It's very thorough. Don't leave anything vague, your ex will take advantage of that.

I'd suggest a 2-2-5-5 plan for you guys, with exchanges done after school/daycare. This minimizes interaction with ex. I think week on/week off is too long for a little kid. Plus, you can have planned activities with dc on your set days.[/quote]

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