Reply to How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

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Reply to "How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t understand how “right of first refusal works.” So every day dad would have to check in with mom to offer her pickup from preschool until he was off work? And if she passes/“refuses” then he has to scramble to get someone else to do it?

What if he decides to cut out of work early? Then he has to reach out to his ex again to say he doesn’t need childcare?

Child is never allowed to spend an afternoon hanging out with the dad’s fiancée until he gets home, just because mom wants that time? Child has to go back and forth between houses every single day??

Sounds deranged. Anyone who wants that level of involvement and control over their ex’s life and household has major issues. Cant tell you how to prove that to the court tho. 
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These clauses are designed to prevent a custodial parent from hiring a babysitter when you have a parent who has a minimal amount of visitation and is available to provide childcare and would like to eke out more time with their child. Even then it often doesn’t include childcare needed while working and should have a stipulation that it only kicks in after a period of time—maybe 4 hours, anything longer than a typical work shift, or overnight. That way a parent doesn’t have to offer childcare every time they go see a movie with a friend or pop out to the store and let the child stay home with someone else or risk being held in contempt.

It’s simply not a necessary clause when parents have roughly equal parenting time and is usually used by a high-conflict parent to try to exert control over their coparent, as is happening here.

Coparents who won’t abuse this clause don’t need it in the first place. For coparents who think they need it, it will cause more conflict and stress than good.

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It’s also not really necessary for older kids, I think, unless you truly think your ex-spouse will be very absent. I started off thinking I wanted one then dropped it when I realized how complicated it was and how it could work against me. But sure, if I had a toddler, I’d want the chance to take them instead of going to a babysitter for long periods of time. [/quote]

These clauses are also not enforceable. If you have enough evidence (hard to get proof that’s not hearsay) to get the other party held in contempt they’ll get a slap on the wrist. [/quote]

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