Reply to Who did you name as your children’s guardian in case you die?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have to do it. We wrote and signed a letter, but it’s nothing official. Our families live abroad. Our kids would go to my parents who regularly take them for weeks in the summer. They are late 60s and our kids are 11, 9 and 5. I cannot see my eldest taking care of her younger siblings, but I can definitely see my middle child taking care of both younger and older sibling. [/quote]

My brother would also take them, but he is currently a single dad going through a divorce. He has one child. We might have him become guardian once his life is a bit more stable.
DH has very old parents that are not close to our kids and 3 siblings that are not suitable for different reasons.[/quote]

Everyone trying to micromanage what would happen in an unthinkable tragedy is just missing the point. If you and your spouse suddenly died, obviously the brother would step up. Testamentary guardianship [b]is not some kind of prize you give a relative for conducting their lives currently in the way you think is best[/b]. Just pick the closest relative you think cares the most about your kids who doesn’t have any true impediments to parenting, and be done with it. It’s more important to think through estate issues to make sure that things are set up so kids’ guardians get access to money to care for them but can’t steal it all. [/quote]

I don’t think anyone thinks of it as a prize?  Rather a burden we don’t want to place on relatives currently already going through a hard time in other ways.  When my first child was born, it was natural to assign testementary guardianship to my oldest sister (has already raised one kid, geographically near me, excited to have more kids in the family) with my parents as backup (healthy and excited about grandchildren and absolutely wonderful parents).  But I will be redoing my will this year since we’ve moved and guardianship will be going to my middle sister now despsite her being across the country and not interested in kids because my oldest sister now has long covid and I don’t want to add additional stress to her life and my dad is in cancer treatments so likewise don’t want to add burdens.  If my sister needs help or can’t manage my daughter’s godmother is the backup.  I’m lucky to have so many people in our lives who WOULD step up if asked but I don’t want to ask someone who’s already struggling.[/quote]

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