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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, you tell your siblings. Then, you tell your mother that you heard about her ranking system and this fact places her firmly in the bottom of your favorite family list. You need a break from your mean girl mom and your kids get a pass from visiting also.[/quote]

+1  I would tell your siblings in the context of "this is why we won't be back next [Christmas/beach week/whatever]".  OP you seem to be beaten down by your insane mom with worrying what your siblings will think and not standing up for your nephew.  But you need to stop being the damaged little girl and be the grownup.  Protect your kids from this dynamic.  Stop letting her treat your kids like this.  Get some therapy if that's what it takes, but your job right now is not to try to get your mom's love or your siblings' approval, it's to raise your kids in a better environment than you were raised in.

I would also tell your 16 year old that you're sorry you exposed them to grandma, and they didn't deserve that, and you will make sure it never happens again.[/quote]
I think it really depends on how the siblings will react.  The favored siblings in my family would either deny it happened or downplay the statement.  But in either event they wouldn't get the problem or consider it hurtful and would roll their eyes at me.  Heck, when my other disfavored sibling disclosed that they'd been molested by a family member, my favored sister replied "Well, it couldn't have been that bad.  You seem fine."  You just can't make some people get it.[/quote]

That's my point: stop caring if they get it.  I'm not suggesting OP organize a boycott, just that she says she's not coming back because she's not going to expose her kids to this abuse.  Siblings can do whatever they want.  Mom can rerank the grandkids accordingly.  None of that matters![/quote]
That would just stir up drama in my family.  I know I'd be labeled the instigator and then I'd be the center of drama.  It's better to just "be busy" rather than try talking to the siblings, as they won't get it anyways.[/quote]

You're still playing the role of least favorite kid trying to win everyone's approval.  It's pathological.  [/quote]I gave up on being any sort of favorite years ago.  I'm trying to avoid being the family's favorite punching bag. They're awful.[/quote]

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